The Unseen War

Every step I take in this world
I still feel I am all alone
And though I know where I am,
I don't recognize my home.

With every twist and every turn
I am unable to know this place
I cannot distinguish who I am
And I'm unable to remember my face.

I've done things of which I'm not proud
I did what I needed to do to survive
But while others are buried in the ground
I'm still here - healthy and alive.

But alive just doesn't feel quite right
And for me it's nothing but a word
And while others carry on day to day,
I'm stuck fighting an unseen war.

Though I'm in the present
I'm still always in the past
Trying to navigate a landscape
Of wilderness that is vast.

A sight...a sound...a smell...a touch
Anyone can instantly bring me back
To the war I fought so long ago
That was both furious and fast.

Every night I continue to fight
The battle over and over in my head
And every morning, covered in sweat
I struggle to climb out of bed.

I know you're judging me
Tell me how much I've changed
And I quietly ask if you believe
Fighting a war keeps one the same.

I've seen things that you haven't
I have done things you never will.
I have been in the situation
Where it was kill or be killed.

For better or for worse,
War always changes a man.
And there's nothing that I've been through
That you will understand.

Am I who I was before I left?
No. That person has longed passed away.
But, I'd barely changed what I endured
For it helped make me who I am today.